I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
