Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
