Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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