I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
