we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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