Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
