Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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