My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
