I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
