is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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