thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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