I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i think i just lost a toe
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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