It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
