You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
