I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
