I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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