You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
