no, he came in my armpit
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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