Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I had to cum in my sink.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
