just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
