She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
