We named our party play list daddy issues
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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