Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
