Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
