Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
