life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
