I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
