you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
