He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Holy shit dude........stairs
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