As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
