I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
