Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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