We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
