I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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