im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
