How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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