Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
