I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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