tell your sister to shave her snatch
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
