Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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