Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
