So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
