I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
