And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
