Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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