By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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