at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You are a genius and a whore.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
