i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
