maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
