i already hear my dad disowning me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
