I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
