Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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