I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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