I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
