I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
