Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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