Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
