insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
