We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
