kristin has been a bad kristin
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
