Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What did we do last night that was yellow?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize