Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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