Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
