dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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