So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's blow job season.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
