I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
