OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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