i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
