so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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